


if it doesn't kill you

by goldennhour



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 12:31:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12035946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldennhour/pseuds/goldennhour
Summary: what if there had been a plan to actually turn stiles into a werewolf in order to expel the nogitsune? after the discovery that the nogitsune's host body needs to change its form, derek finds a currently in-control stiles hiding out in his apartment, and attempts to explain the idea to him.he doesn't react well.





	if it doesn't kill you

**Author's Note:**

> this is just a little idea i had during season 3B, when we discovered that they had to essentially 'turn' stiles in order to get rid of the nogitsune. obviously the nogitsune ended up splitting from stiles and scott bit that thing instead, but at the time i wondered if stiles was actually going to have to become a werewolf, and this little fic was born.

**If it doesn't kill you,**

 

Stiles stands in the corner of Derek's apartment, looking out at the sunset. There's not much time before the Oni come for him. He knows Derek is behind him; he heard him walking in because apparently, werewolves aren't the only supernatural creatures that have excellent hearing. He wonders if it's just the Nogitsune or whether Kira is the same no don't think about that Stiles doesn't want to think about Nogitsune or Kitsune or Oni or any of it because he is tired of running, tired of fighting to remain in control, tired of all of it and –

"Stiles." Derek's voice is wary but still soft, not full of the judgement or scorn Stiles was expecting. He turns and Derek's just standing there, in the doorway, managing to look even more moody than usual, but Stiles knows him well enough now to see the concern that lingers underneath the surface. Stiles wants to make a sarcastic remark about how the only time he's seen Derek since he got back was at the Police Station after the bomb went off and then he thinks maybe that's not such a great idea because he was the one who put it there.

Suddenly Stiles doesn't want to pretend he's fine or that he's not losing – lost – his mind or that he's killed people and he has no idea how to deal with the crushing guilt of it all. Derek's standing right in front of him now and he's trembling and he just wants everything to stop why can't it just stop. He ducks his head, wanting to look at anything except Derek.

"Stiles. Are you…" He pauses, not wanting, or not sure, how to finish the question. Stiles, slowly looks up and Derek knows he should be more cautious, the Nogitsune has already tricked them several times before, but the minute their eyes' meet he knows it's Stiles. He lets out a breath he didn't even realise he was holding; Derek doesn't know, doesn't want to find out what he would've done if it hadn't been the real Stiles.

He's practically shaking now and if Stiles wasn't so scared he'd be embarrassed but Derek just looks at him with the same stupid expression like somehow he understands what Stiles is going through. As if anyone could understand.

"Scott… has a theory." Derek chooses his words carefully and Stiles tries not to get his hopes up, but he can't help the spark of hope that erupts in his chest. Maybe Scott has a plan. Maybe he won't die. Maybe everything will be all right. Maybe.

"One way to expel a Nogitsune is for the host body to ‘change'. Like... turning into a werewolf."

Stiles doesn't even hear the rest of what Derek has to say; his mind immediately goes back to 2 years ago in an empty parking lot.

 

_Peter held his wrist tightly, his teeth edging closer and closer. Stiles' heart is beating so fast and loud he's sure Peter could hear it even without werewolf senses and it's just a few more centimetres but Stiles rips his arm out of Peter's grasp-_

_"I don't want to be like you."_

_"You know what I heard just then? Your heart beating slightly faster over the words I don't want."_

 

"Stiles? Stiles calm down, it's okay."

A light touch on his arm causes him to flinch so bad it's like he was burned, scrambling backwards into a table. It should hurt but Stiles doesn't notice, he can't hear anything over the sound of his harsh, ragged breathing and his too fast heart beat pounding in his ears. His vision starts to cloud and he tries to breathe but he just can't-

Hands grab him and he panics, his heart beating even faster -is that possible- as he struggles, trying to escape because he can't breathe but then the hands pull him close and suddenly he can smell the familiar mix of grass and pine.

"C'mon Stiles, breathe with me, in and out."

 

* * *

 

Derek and Stiles are both on the floor, Derek's arms wrapped around Stiles' as he lies dazed half on his lap. Stiles becomes conscious of their position but finds himself too exhausted to care, his head lolling against Derek's firm shoulder.

"Derek," He breathes, voice barely above a whisper but one he knows the werewolf will hear, "I can't… can't, I don't want the bite…" Struggling to get the words out, he feels Derek nod his head, but he needs him to understand, to understand why he can't, not after-

"I… Peter offered it to me once. I nearly… nearly took it, but I didn't want it. Not after…" He trails off, feeling his cheeks burn as he recalls the shame of his too fast heartbeat, skipping on the lie that was more to convince himself than Peter. "Derek, please. There has to be another way, I won't."

Derek tightens his grip and the realisation of what Stiles was saying sinks in. Peter tried to… he needs to have a talk with his uncle, and with Stiles, but that was a conversation for another time. Guilt clenches his heart; innocent, annoying Stiles, who followed them with his dumb plaid tees and his stupid wooden bat, didn't deserve this.

"Stiles, I-" Derek starts, hesitant, but Stiles cuts him off with a choked sob, his fingers digging into Derek's arm. Stiles twists around, looking directly at him, and Derek almost flinches at the startling lucidity in his wet eyes. "Stiles," he tries again, swallowing, "We can look for another way, I swear I'll keep looking for another way. But if we can't… I won't just let you die."

Stiles sags against Derek's chest, letting out a long sigh. "Derek," he mumbles quietly, "I'm scared. I don't want to die."

Derek tries to swallow the fear the that threatens to rise up. The fear that maybe, this time, they won't all make it out alive. He knows that Stiles is fighting a losing battle with every second he fights against the Nogitsune's control and in a couple of hours the Oni will be back, but for now, he would keep Stiles safe.

"I know, Stiles. I know."

 

**If it doesn't kill you,**

**_and it could._ **


End file.
